Positions, positions, positions!

Original content post by our blogger Aimee Louw. Check all of her contributions.

“A good position for sex is one that will let you do what you want to do, let you touch the parts of your partner or yourself that you want to touch, and let you be comfortable.”

This quote is from the Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability (link). Here are a few positions contained in the book the Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability that might provide some inspiration for your sexy times.

 

  1. One partner on top

“If one  partner has more physical strength and control than the other, they may want to take a position on top with their partner lying on their back or side.”

While some people consider the top to be superior or in all control, the person on the bottom can also have a lot of control either through verbal or non-verbal cues. Something as subtle as an eyebrow raise or a             certain look can tell your partner that you want them to do             something different, or increase pressure, or whatever.

There are some tools that can help with comfort levels if you have pain or stiff body parts. For example, you could try putting a pillow or two under you knees, so there’s no strain on your legs, or you could roll up a towel and put it under your lower back so that you don’t  get back pain. Experimenting with these different supports is very personal, but these are just a few ideas. The person on the bottom, if they want or are able to, can try raising their legs and putting their knees against the other person’s chest, or over their partner’s shoulders. This could allow for deeper penetration, potentially, or easier access to the clitoris or other parts of your genitals.

Illustration by Fiona Smyth retrieved from Ultimate guide to sex and disability reprensenting two people having sex with one lying down propped up by pillows

Illustration by Fiona Smyth for the Ultimate guide to sex sex and disability

2. Using your wheelchair

“Sex in your wheelchair has the benefit of speed (if you don’t have time for more than a quickie). You don’t even need to get fully undressed!”

Here are some considerations when fucking in a wheelchair: if it’s a manual chair or if the armrests move up or down you could remove or raise the armrests so that the person not using the wheelchair can straddle you. The person on top can either face the person using the wheelchair or they can ride them with a sort of alternate doggy-style. Meaning, more like their sitting down in a similar position that the wheelchair user is sitting in. If the person using the wheelchair wants, they can scoot forward with or without assistance, revealing whatever part they want to be touched or penetrated. This can also be a useful position for the person using the wheelchair to receive oral.

Illustration by Fiona Smyth representing two people having sex, one of them in a wheel chair while the other one is straddling them.

Illustration by Fiona Smyth for the Ultimate guide to sex sex and disability

  1. Lying on your side: There are so many different positions that people can potentially have sex in on  a bed. One such position is lying on your side. Some potential appeals for lying on your side-style sex: it can be effective for a person wearing a catheter attached to a leg-bag.

People with sore hips or leg joints can have sex this way without out needing to put too much weight or pressure on their legs.

People with tight hip or leg muscles or tendons can access this position perhaps more easily than say, missionary or doggy-style for example.

Potential angles

With the lying on your side approach to sex, angles can be quite important. You could try penetrative sex (either with a hand, penis, dildo…) in a spooning position, or in a T-shaped position wherein one person is lying head to toe in bed and the other person is lying  perpendicular to them (include diagram), or the sexual partners could face each other for either hand sex, or sex with toys, or penetrative sex of various sorts. Of course, there’s the classic 69 pose, wherein two partners pleasure each other with oral sex either at the same time or at different times, and there is of course the   buddy side-by-side position where partners can touch each other’s  bodies while lying in a relatively close distance and comfortable position.

Illustration by Fiona Smyth representing two person having sex while lying on the side in a bed. One of them has got a catheter bag.

Illustration by Fiona Smyth for the Ultimate guide to sex sex and disability

  1. There are many different ways to use furniture and household items as tools or settings for sex. One example is a bed or a chair or pillows or a table or a piano, or whatever. Figuring out positions and things that facilitate comfortable and enjoyable sex is about experimenting and using household objects and items in new, sexier ways. There are also some products that you can buy that help for positioning for sex. (More info on that on the document Pleasureable, sexual devices manual for persons with disabilities). There are also pillows that have been designed specifically to assist in positioning. They can be used for sexual positioning or simply lying in bed and reading or typing or whatever. There is a draw back, which is that they’re kind of expensive and so they can be financially inaccessible. According to the Ultimate Guide, some sex toy manufacturers make pillows that are for sexual positioning, however, they say that they are not the best quality and can break when weight is placed on them.

This is a non-exhaustive into the world of sexual positions! These are just a few examples drawn from the fabulous book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, that hopefully will give you some ideas when you are imagining and when you are practicing different sexual positions. One of the most important things can be to check in with yourself and with the    person or people you are having sex with, and to ask yourself and         them-through the ways you communicate- if you’re comfortable. (link to consent + communication post)

If you’re not, imagine what would make you feel more comfortable and if you’re able to try to make that thing happen.

And when in doubt, try to have some pillows or extra blankets nearby for on-the-fly!

Photo: Illustration by Fiona Smyth From Ultimate guide to sex and disability represnting two people having sex while using the edge of a bed for positionning Posted on Tags , ,